Project 365 Day 172 - 185

Day 172 -

Every now and then I get an itch to do something exciting. Go see a Broadway show, an art gallery, anything really that's exciting and related to the arts. But that's not often possible. But I'm a lucky girl. I have my downtown library which always has something going on. Right now they have their walls full of egg art. How many people get to see hundreds of ways eggs can be art in the same spot?

Pretty neat stuff:)



Day - 173 - Insanity is insane!!!

Day 174 - Rob and I came back home from a workout with our church (at 8 in the morning), and as were pulling in I asked Rob who had drawn our family on our car. He didn't even know it was there. It's very cute. But whoever drew it either doesn't know we have our cat Arnie, or they left him out. Maybe I should go draw him in myself.

Day 175 - I will be Inspired.
I will see the Good.
I will Love and be Loved.
I will give Thanks.

Day 176 -

I like to make fun of us Army wives that wherever we go we bring litters of children with us. Our homes always end up looking like daycares.

I wouldn't have it any other way though. I love all of our crazy children:)

Day 177 - Today was a day worth celebrating in the Bigda household. I bought a Cricut Cake! :) I hope it is as exciting as I hear it is. Of course I bought it online, so the fun will have to wait.

Day 178 -

 I'm taking my baking to the dinner table. Asparagus and Gruyere Quiche. I've made plenty of guiches before, but this one was much more exciting. My mom bought me an amazing baking book for Christmas, and in it are lots of ideas on how to bake for snacks, lunches, and dinners. Yay!

Day 179 -

Having young children is wonderful. These are the times that drive us moms up the wall but the same times that we will always miss as our children get older. But these treasured times are not easy. Especially when you are alone with these sweet angels;)

One of the tough parts of being a mom of little ones, is we tend to get left out a lot. For the most part I'm sure this is for the military wife/mom, being that we are far from grandparents, sisters, childhood friends who love our children enough to care for them ... that sort of thing. But either way, we seem to be in our own catagory. Maybe when our children grow we are no longer interested in having little children around. Maybe us moms are too unorganized and always running late. Maybe we just forget as our children grow, what it is like to multitask and get a family of young ones ready and out the door. I'm sure I will some day find out what the reasons are. But till then, the girls and I will get a lot of alone time. As will many of my friends and their children.

But as I said earlier. These times are tough, but they are also cherished. In life there always has to be downs with ups. That is just the way of the world.

When my girls are older and my life becomes more managable, will I have friends with little ones?Maybe ... maybe not;)

Day 180 - Everyone had to know that the Cricut Cake was going to make the cut for Project 365. Though I have yet to be able to use it, I am very excited. Knowing me, it will take longer than it should to get the hang of it. But I hope to be good friends with this machine soon:)

Day 181 - Laughter.

Some days, aka, most days, we tend to get overwhelmed with the stress, the to do lists, the demands that life has to offer. But sometimes it's great to just have a great time. Tonight I let the girls stay up wayyyyyyyyyy past their bedtime (Daddy had duty). Part of our new found time was occupied with watching funny videos online. The girls had such a great time. I haven't heard them laugh that hard at the same thing for a while now.

Day 182 - I am proud to say that I am succesfully passing some of my great taste down to the girls. Musicals, operas, classic dance moves;), and great music. One being Michael Jackson. The girls have always watched and listened too Michael, but the real obsession lately has been Scream. Michael has for sure NOT taken over the love of Lady Ga Ga, but he's still being talked about enough to keep me happy. Of course her walking around all day staying, stop pressuring me, may cause some alarm for others;)

Day 183 -

Today was a gloomy day. Rain and fog. Not great weather for a great mood, but it is great weather for nice pictures:)

Day 184 - We all went out looking at houses today. Anne and Isabella loved the backyards the most. The only way to convince them to leave one house without causing a scene, was to tell them that that house will also have a backyard.

Anne found this in one of the yards. She held on to it so dearly her grip barely even let up while she was sound asleep.

The funny thing is, we have a perfectly nice backyard at this house. I'm not sure why these other yards are so special. Hopefully when we move into one of those houses, the thrill of the backyard will still be there.

Day 185 - Today I got to try out my Cricut for the first time. Way more difficult than I would have liked, but just a good reason to use it more for practice:) The design came out really rough and it feel apart when I removed it from the mat. But it was a start. I will be making more fondant today and often till I figure this thing out!

Project 365 Day 164 - 171

Day 164 - Sweatpants.

I LOVE my sweatpants! If I could wear them everywhere, I would.

Day 165 -

 I wish I could say that I was alpha dog in this house ... but I can't. First comes Rob, Isabella, Anne, Sade, I still haven't figured out if next is Buddy or Arnstein ... then me;)

This picture is showing what happens when Rob is out. Sade becomes a watch dog all of a sudden. I think she believes she has to take over his responsibility while he is gone. Here she is watching the door as if she is ready for whatever may come through.

Crazy dog:)

Day 166 - I am working on a new cucpake. I don't have the exact recipe, so it's going to take a lot of kitchen time (and a lot of failures). But what I am excited about are my ingredients. I'm challenging myself with more complex ingredients. And of course, insteand of just spending the money and buying these new ingredients, I am making them with my own hands and love:)

I've only tried making these cupcakes once, so obviously I have no great results yet. But, I hope to have a success story soon.

Day 167 - Carrabbas.

Rob and I love Carrabbas. Not only do they serve great Italian food, but they bring many sentimental memories to mind. We are slowly growing out of our sitting, eating, and drinking phase in life. But we will always enjoy a nice meal, some great converstaion, a glass of wine (or martini), and some romantic time spent with just the two of us.

Day 168 - I am not, nor will I ever be southern. Not in my heart at least. But, I do have to say that very slowly but surely, the south has been growing on me. First, my children are southern;) Second the weather. Third are the people I have met. And last but not least, the food. Our friends Carrie and Chris were kind enough to invite us over for some food and sports (no worries, the sports still aren't growing on me ... just the food;), and the food was sooo yummy. And get this ... spicy too. At least says me and Isabella. I may not know who was playing what game on tv that night, but I do remember some very yummy food:)

Day 169 - We went to visit the state house today which is something I've always wanted to do. At the state house was a monument built in 2001 that shows the suffering and achievements of the African American culture. Not only do I think the sculpture was beautifully made, but it was nice to see something at our state house that represents many of those who sacrificed for this great city who weren't powerful white slave owners.

To make it even better, this rose was already there. Someone still cares enough to leave such a pretty flower. So of course, I took a picture:)

 Day 170 - Wouldn't it be nice if people did this? It amazes me how much people care about "their land". Even people who don't own, but rent. Some keep their land looking pretty, some keep it looking presentable, but most just basically care about it being treated with respect. And why wouldn't they? It's theirs and they want it treated right. Is the earth not ours to care for though? Next time you throw trash on the ground, out your car window (and yes, that includes cigarette butts), or in the water ... let me know and I can bring my dogs over to poop on your lawn.

Day 171 - I love picking people up from the airport, but I hate dropping them off. I think that everyone I love and care for should move here;) But that's not likely to happen. So, I will just continue enjoying my family and friends who love us enough to visit our crazy house when they can:)

Love you guys!!!

Project 365 - Day 163

Out of control.

So when we first moved here we had some cords and whatnot that we didn't know where they belonged. We thought, we will put them in this box, put the box in the closet, and if we don't need in a year or so ... we can get rid of it. Well, a year or so later, this is what our box looks like. Hmmm ... maybe we took that idea a bit too far.

So what is the answer to this dilemma? Move the box to the garage of course.

Project 365 - 162

I do not make New Year resolutions. I think the idea of making one is great, but I have made many before and have never followed through. That being said, I had a drive to make an effort to be closer to God this year through the Bible. I didn't want to call it a resolution in fear of just putting it off. I just wanted to do it. I had told Rob about it and he said he's all in. Funny enough, the sermon at Church was about getting more into the Bible.

So we started. We aren't following a plan or a schedule. We are just reading. It's only been 3 days, but so far it's been great. I also love having Rob to read along with.

Will I make it a priority every day? I hope so. But I have failed before. Try and try again, that's what they say right.

Project 365 - Day 161

Today Rob and I had to deal with some realities of this world that we had hoped to never face. And of course with the bad comes a restless mind.

Bringing children into this world is a daring act. We are given these little creatures that we love more than we knew we could. All we want to do is keep them in our arms forever and never let a hair be harmed. But we can't do that. We have to be prepared to accept that the world will hurt them, just as it has most of us.

While thinking too much I was pulled to these frames I hung in their bedroom. To think that not only were they small enough for these dresses at one time, but that these dresses were huge on them. These are the dresses my girls wore as we left the safety of the hospital and were brought home. As difficult as those times were for a very tired mom and dad, I wonder, were these the easy times?

Project 365 - Day 160

New Years Eve.

We were able to spend a good part of the evening with our church. We had a bonfire and people who were ready to bring their trees could burn them. We of course weren't ready for that.

The fire was beautiful ... and warm.

We then went home and finished celebrating our normal way. Opened a bottle of champagne, had one too many, watched the ball drop, jammed out to some Hillsong, and brought in the New Year with lots of laughs ... just the two of us. (the girls were fast asleep)

Looking forward to the New Year and enjoyed reminiscing of the year now passed.

Happy New Year!

Project 365 - Day 1 - 9

Day 1 - The start of my journey through photography. The coolest book, from the best friend a girl could ever wish for, with a random dinosaur but of course.

Day 2 - I parked in lane E for Elizabeth:)

Day 3 - My dead flower that I purposely keep on display. It had been cut from my rose bush and was once a beautiful flower. This is my mood today.

Day 4 - I saw my therapist today in my next step against my depression. I have been at war with my own head for some time now. I have so much to be thankful for, so much happiness in my life, so many loved ones to love and to love me back. I know all of this and I give thanks.

But I still get sad. I look down at my life, at the mess, the confusion, and wonder 'how did I get here?' Then I wait. I wait till the feeling passes, and I move on with my life.

I want to capture this feeling, understand it, and then conquer it. Then maybe I can not only know my blessings, but to be able to live happily beside them.

Day 5 - Good day or bad. I always have my nightstand.

Day 6 - We have been going to the library on post since we first got here. They have come to be a second family to us.
I of course starting going for the girls. Story time, crafts, movies. But before the summer they asked if I could start reading as well. I said, who has time for reading? But they were persistent, so I tried. I am reading my 6th book since then and I can not thank them enough for giving my love of reading back to me.
I also have started reading the Bible every day which is something I hope to do every day for the rest of my life.
For any of my friends who have put down their books because life has become too hectic. You should go to your library and make some time. It was worth it for me.

Day 7 - I had planned on a picture of my church today. But this evening my father called me to let me know that Grandpa has finally found peace. I immediatly wished I could go find something significant enough to take a picture of. As I was trying to think of something Robin looked outside and noticed how bright the sky was for night. I ran right out and got a picture.

Maybe my Grandfather was so happy to see his maker, he filled the sky with light, as a reminder to us that though we are sad to be left behind, Grandpa is in an amazing place now. We will all be lucky enough one day to be allowed the chance to meet up with him again when it is our time.

Grandpa will be terribly missed. But while we feel the loss of a good person, the heavens rejoice for he is finally home.

I love you Mom and I am so sorry for the sadness this brings to you!

Day 8 - This is what time it is. And I have to finish packing and get to bed. Bright and early I am off to Florida to be with my family.

Who needs sleep? Well, I do;)

I promise while I am away, I will take my picture each day. I may not be able to post them until I'm home. But I will not cheat. Cross my heart ... X

Day 9 - First night in Florida. We really know how to live it up:)

This trip was exhausting for everyone. But we are all glad to have been with our family during this time. My Grandmother was so pleased to have her loved ones near, and sad to see us all go.

Project 365 - Day 10 - 19

Day 10 -

The day of the funeral.

This is a picture I took of my favorite picture displayed of Grandma and Grandpa.

Day 11 - This is a tree that I thought was so interesting looking in Florida. I'm not sure what the name of it is, but it provides great shade.

Day 12 - This is the name tag outside of my Grandmothers apartment. I pray for her sake, that they keep it as it is. I can't imagine being married for 67 years, spending all of your time with another, sharing your life with another, and then coming back from a meal to see only your name outside of your door. How incredibly sad that would be for her.

Poor Grandma.

Day 13 - My favorite part of the day!!!

What a very trying day it had been. But night night time finally came around, and I was able to put the girls in their room and close this door. Amazing feeling after this trip.

We all got a good night sleep. I hope that my sisters and niece were able to get the same, being that two little girls kept them awake for the trip as well:)

Day 14 - My church, Vive Church.

I love my church, I love everyone that is a part of this church, and everyone who will be. Vive Church has made Sunday my favorite day of the week. I love to go be around good people with a good purpose, and get brought back to life ... week after week. This place and the people who make this place whole are my sanctuary.

Day 15 - My I care book.

When I got home from FL, I had a card waiting for me from our friends Aimee Schmidt and Robert Barnard. It was a pretty card (it is green, my favorite color). The card was a sympathetic gesture that really touched me. I know that my friends know that I'm ok, and I know that they are thinking of me. But they still went out of their way to let me know.

The card got me thinking about all of the people I know who are in need. Then I thought about all the ways that I can easily show that I care. Maybe I can help accomplish a task, help make someones day a little easier, or just give a little something to say that they are being thought of. Then I started to write down the people I knew and their troubles.

The book is so pretty that I thought it should have a name. So I am naming it my I care book. I hope to aid every name in my book in a special way.

Is this one too many projects for me? Probably. But with the way I feel, I need too many projects. Maybe one for each mood:) I spend all day not being able to avoid my own thoughts. But while reading over the names in my book, maybe, just for a moment, I can think of how to help give someone else strength. Maybe putting myself aside for a moment wouldn't be such a bad idea;)

My father sends out a devotional each day, which usually contain a couple quotes. Today he quoted Charles Kingsley. Make it a rule, and pray to God to help you keep it, never lie down at night without being able to say: “I have made at least one human being a little wiser, a little happier, or a little better today.” - Charles Kingsley. This is the first line written in my book.

Day 16 - Here it is, in your face. My Nemesis.

I dread my weekly trip to the commissary. But I do what I need to do. I get as organized as possible. Ready with my list, my coupons (if any these days), and my reusable bags all ready to go.

Sometimes it's as soon as we walk in the door, sometimes it takes a few moments to start up ... but it always happens. Crying children (MY crying children), rude fellow shoppers, slow service, the long long lines, groceries packed poorly, and the walk to the car when the tip must be presented. I hate everything about the commissary.

This is my vent on the dreaded commissary. May I not have to deal with this experience for another week!

Day  17 - The hardest part for me with my depression, is losing quality time with my girls. I'm always behind on chores, my patience is low, and sometimes I'm just sad.

Today was a tough day for me. But I forced myself to allow Isabella some time to learn how to decorate cupcakes with me. She made four of them, and then ate two of them:)

Time with Isabella and Anne is one of the most important things to me. I want to share all of my likes with them. I also want to give them plenty of room to find what they like and where their skills lie.

Of course this project didn't help with me being behind on my chores. But my loving Rob came home and picked up for me. So now I'm going to sit with my Snookums, have a glass of wine, and just try to put aside sad feelings for now.

And maybe have a cupcake;)

Day 18 - Day eighteen.



Here's to a better day:)

Day 19 - After some time of attending Vive Church, I was asked to bake for new comers. I thought it was a great idea, and I was excited to get started. I now am addicted and hope that I never have to stop. I love learning new recipes, tweaking them to my liking, and then becoming comfortable with them.

As for decorating, I still have a lot to learn:) But I do enjoy trying out new ideas for icing, piping, and playing with colors.

Will I ever be exceptional? Probably not. But I hope to always enjoy myself while baking something scrumptious.

Project 365 - Day 20-29

Day 20 - I had such a successful day today, I was worried I was on a high. I was in a "normal" mood and I got a lot done. This morning I was in a rare mood. I was perky and I wanted to bake. But I had baked so much yesterday that I only had 2 eggs left. Not much I can do with two eggs. Well our friends, The Robinson's surprised me with a dozen eggs, just to cheer me up. Of course because I'm lazy, and not willing to pack the girls up for a trip to the store for eggs:) Well, that had just made my day. So I baked. I was not able to get my topping for my cake finished, but I baked a four layer cake. My first.

Then sadly the evening had brought with it a feeling I had started to hope may have just passed. The sadness. I find it amazing how one moment you can be amazed with how many people understand you, and the next feel so alone in the world.

What matters is now though. Before I lay down to sleep, I want to remember what these eggs represent. Not only the kind friends I have, but the genuinely good people that are in this world. People do care. And I think that's pretty amazing.

Looking forward to a new day.

Day 21 - Today, as expected, the depression has taken over more of my emotions than I'd like to admit. But I don't feel like writing about that.

What I feel like writing about is what I do have today that I wish at this moment I could feel more deeply for. I got to go to Vive Church which is always a blessing, I get to spend time with Robert Bigda this evening, I have healthy and sometimes happy daughters, and I get to look at this face whenever I want. I know everyone is super jealous of the last part:)

I am thankful that I have so much to be thankful for.

Day 22 - The girls and I took a nice walk at the park today. We thought we were alone until Isabella realized that there was a dragon at the park. I don't know about you, but I see it too.

I can look at any cloud and see something from it. Isabella can too, and I love that. She is always looking up in the sky in search for something exciting to show someone. I love that my first born is crazy like her mama:)

We enjoyed our time at the park with the fire breathing dragon.

Day 23 - Robs job is extremely demanding and takes up most of his time. He has to be away from us far more than we would like. The girls very much miss their Daddy. So I try to keep up with some traditions for us to make Daddy being at work a little easier. Rob doesn't love breakfast for dinner, and I think breakfast is great all the time. So this is one of my go to meals when Isabella and Anne start getting worked up over Rob being gone.

Chocolate Chip Pancakes.

Breakfast and chocolate in the same meal:)

Day 24 -

 I have positive thoughts, but I can't seem to catch up to those thoughts. Sadness, pain, feeling off. I was lucky to have a good day though. Just evening brought with it some unwanted feelings.

I have so many people who love me and who I love. I got to go to Lifepoints tonight and help pass the time with some great people. Then when we got home, my loving husband took over for me. He got the girls their milk, changed in pjs, and read them their stories.

I hadn't been in the mood for pictures today, so while I was thinking, thank you God for all of these blessings in my life, I thought to go get the camera.

So here it is. My prayers will be filled with thanks tonight. For my husband and daughters, my family, my church family and friends. I may be depressed, but even I can see all the good in them. Love you all.

Day 25 -

 This is a picture of Anne watching the band practice for church. Her and kitty just sat there and watched. She would get up and dance a bit, then sit back down.

I love that our daughters are experiencing God with us. I love that they are surrounded by family, friends, and our church who all want nothing but the best for them. They are being raised by great people and great influences.

Tonight Isabella thanked God for God. The girls may not yet have a full understanding of life. But they do know that they are loved and that God is always there for them. (As Isabella would say, especially when she's scared.) And I think that's pretty awesome.

Day 26 -  Jello cake has been a tradition in my family for many years. I love jello cake, but I wanted to make it into something that is more me. So I created my jello cake cupcake.

I had a great time baking today. Baking eases my mind. You measure, you beat, you follow directions. And in the end you have created something delish. It doesn't take too much thinking, but just enough so that your mind doesn't wander into no mans land.

Now decorating is a different story. It is something I hope to conquer one day. So that part, not so relaxing:)



As for my decorating ... try and try again.

Day 27 - There's no place like home.

I've moved a good amount of times in my life. I am not complaining, I actually enjoy it. Well, of course not the moving process, but the change of environment. At first I thought I only loved it in Columbia because it wasn't Louisiana and it had a zoo. Though I do still love both of those things, I am starting to feel I can call Columbia home. I feel connected here. Not just to the space, but to the people.

I know that we wont be staying here forever. But I like knowing that I can always look back at this time with such peace. My life has really started here (mostly thanks to Vive Church), and thanks to that Columbia will always have a special place in my heart.

Day 28 - There's no place like home.

I've moved a good amount of times in my life. I am not complaining, I actually enjoy it. Well, of course not the moving process, but the change of environment. At first I thought I only loved it in Columbia because it wasn't Louisiana and it had a zoo. Though I do still love both of those things, I am starting to feel I can call Columbia home. I feel connected here. Not just to the space, but to the people.

I know that we wont be staying here forever. But I like knowing that I can always look back at this time with such peace. My life has really started here (mostly thanks to Vive Church), and thanks to that Columbia will always have a special place in my heart.

Day 29 - Pills pills pills.

I feel like a lab rat. Take one of these, two of these, we'll start you on this, let's change you to that.

I know I have to continue to figure this out, but my body is wearing thin. I feel funny one moment, sick to my stomach the next, tired during the day, anxious at night. I'm a mess. I wish I could just stop taking all of them. Some days I think, what would I give to be normal.

But I'm not. I'm me. So I must keep moving forward. Some days I'm just not in the mood though.