Project 365 - Day 20-29

Day 20 - I had such a successful day today, I was worried I was on a high. I was in a "normal" mood and I got a lot done. This morning I was in a rare mood. I was perky and I wanted to bake. But I had baked so much yesterday that I only had 2 eggs left. Not much I can do with two eggs. Well our friends, The Robinson's surprised me with a dozen eggs, just to cheer me up. Of course because I'm lazy, and not willing to pack the girls up for a trip to the store for eggs:) Well, that had just made my day. So I baked. I was not able to get my topping for my cake finished, but I baked a four layer cake. My first.

Then sadly the evening had brought with it a feeling I had started to hope may have just passed. The sadness. I find it amazing how one moment you can be amazed with how many people understand you, and the next feel so alone in the world.

What matters is now though. Before I lay down to sleep, I want to remember what these eggs represent. Not only the kind friends I have, but the genuinely good people that are in this world. People do care. And I think that's pretty amazing.

Looking forward to a new day.

Day 21 - Today, as expected, the depression has taken over more of my emotions than I'd like to admit. But I don't feel like writing about that.

What I feel like writing about is what I do have today that I wish at this moment I could feel more deeply for. I got to go to Vive Church which is always a blessing, I get to spend time with Robert Bigda this evening, I have healthy and sometimes happy daughters, and I get to look at this face whenever I want. I know everyone is super jealous of the last part:)

I am thankful that I have so much to be thankful for.

Day 22 - The girls and I took a nice walk at the park today. We thought we were alone until Isabella realized that there was a dragon at the park. I don't know about you, but I see it too.

I can look at any cloud and see something from it. Isabella can too, and I love that. She is always looking up in the sky in search for something exciting to show someone. I love that my first born is crazy like her mama:)

We enjoyed our time at the park with the fire breathing dragon.

Day 23 - Robs job is extremely demanding and takes up most of his time. He has to be away from us far more than we would like. The girls very much miss their Daddy. So I try to keep up with some traditions for us to make Daddy being at work a little easier. Rob doesn't love breakfast for dinner, and I think breakfast is great all the time. So this is one of my go to meals when Isabella and Anne start getting worked up over Rob being gone.

Chocolate Chip Pancakes.

Breakfast and chocolate in the same meal:)

Day 24 -

 I have positive thoughts, but I can't seem to catch up to those thoughts. Sadness, pain, feeling off. I was lucky to have a good day though. Just evening brought with it some unwanted feelings.

I have so many people who love me and who I love. I got to go to Lifepoints tonight and help pass the time with some great people. Then when we got home, my loving husband took over for me. He got the girls their milk, changed in pjs, and read them their stories.

I hadn't been in the mood for pictures today, so while I was thinking, thank you God for all of these blessings in my life, I thought to go get the camera.

So here it is. My prayers will be filled with thanks tonight. For my husband and daughters, my family, my church family and friends. I may be depressed, but even I can see all the good in them. Love you all.

Day 25 -

 This is a picture of Anne watching the band practice for church. Her and kitty just sat there and watched. She would get up and dance a bit, then sit back down.

I love that our daughters are experiencing God with us. I love that they are surrounded by family, friends, and our church who all want nothing but the best for them. They are being raised by great people and great influences.

Tonight Isabella thanked God for God. The girls may not yet have a full understanding of life. But they do know that they are loved and that God is always there for them. (As Isabella would say, especially when she's scared.) And I think that's pretty awesome.

Day 26 -  Jello cake has been a tradition in my family for many years. I love jello cake, but I wanted to make it into something that is more me. So I created my jello cake cupcake.

I had a great time baking today. Baking eases my mind. You measure, you beat, you follow directions. And in the end you have created something delish. It doesn't take too much thinking, but just enough so that your mind doesn't wander into no mans land.

Now decorating is a different story. It is something I hope to conquer one day. So that part, not so relaxing:)



As for my decorating ... try and try again.

Day 27 - There's no place like home.

I've moved a good amount of times in my life. I am not complaining, I actually enjoy it. Well, of course not the moving process, but the change of environment. At first I thought I only loved it in Columbia because it wasn't Louisiana and it had a zoo. Though I do still love both of those things, I am starting to feel I can call Columbia home. I feel connected here. Not just to the space, but to the people.

I know that we wont be staying here forever. But I like knowing that I can always look back at this time with such peace. My life has really started here (mostly thanks to Vive Church), and thanks to that Columbia will always have a special place in my heart.

Day 28 - There's no place like home.

I've moved a good amount of times in my life. I am not complaining, I actually enjoy it. Well, of course not the moving process, but the change of environment. At first I thought I only loved it in Columbia because it wasn't Louisiana and it had a zoo. Though I do still love both of those things, I am starting to feel I can call Columbia home. I feel connected here. Not just to the space, but to the people.

I know that we wont be staying here forever. But I like knowing that I can always look back at this time with such peace. My life has really started here (mostly thanks to Vive Church), and thanks to that Columbia will always have a special place in my heart.

Day 29 - Pills pills pills.

I feel like a lab rat. Take one of these, two of these, we'll start you on this, let's change you to that.

I know I have to continue to figure this out, but my body is wearing thin. I feel funny one moment, sick to my stomach the next, tired during the day, anxious at night. I'm a mess. I wish I could just stop taking all of them. Some days I think, what would I give to be normal.

But I'm not. I'm me. So I must keep moving forward. Some days I'm just not in the mood though.