Project 365 - Day 80

82 days ago I started a project named Project 365 on my facebook. It had been suggested to me a few times that I should add these posts to a blog. So, I'm going to give it a try starting with day eighty. If anyone is intersted in seeing any of the posts from day one to seventy-nine, you are welcome to look at my photo album named Project 365 on my fb page. http://facebook.com/liz.bigda

The idea of the project is to take one picture every day for one year. The picture simply represents me. This project so far, has truly been a cathartic experience. It has challenged me to take pictures outside of my every day snapshots (such as my children or pets), and it has also challenged me to address emotions I usually would just push aside. If anyone is already working on a similar project or decides to give this a try, please let me know. I would love to follow along and see where it takes you.

I had two ideas of pictures to take today, but I am no longer in the mood for those. The closest I could come to my mood are these train tracks.

I feel like I am waiting at the intersection of train tracks. The train can come speeding through at any moment. If I am over the tracks by then, I'll be fine. If I am pulling up to the tracks, I will have to sit and wait for the train to pass. If I am in the way, I get plowed.

I have a personality that doesn't fit well with today's society. I have feelings. More than one should I guess. I am always thinking of others. And not just my obligated others such as children, husband, family, pets. I'm always thinking of someone at church, someone from an accident I saw the other night, a deer that was standing too near a road that morning, a story I heard on the news. Simply put, it's exhausting. My mood never gets to stay. It always depends on others. Will they make a mean joke, will they snap at me, will I dissapoint them, will I make them smile, will they need me, will they be kind to others, will they try to see the good, and so on. I am a strong person in a way. But I am emotionally handicapped. And most of the time it feels like that train coming my way is everyone but me. There is nothing I can do to control that train. I just have to wait and see what it is going to do. If all goes well, then great ... I get to have a pretty good day. If it's going too fast for me to pass, I do my best to wait it out. If it's not watching out for me, I get hit. Some days I recover from the crash, some days I don't.

If you sit back to look at it, it's sad really. My exsistence depends on mankind. And most of the time, people just don't slow down to see what is going on around them.