Today was so awful! My depression was so deep today, it was a challenge, to say the least, to survive the day. What brought on my depression in general, is a part of mother nature that no one wants to read about in a blog. What brought it on this day, lonely, the feeling of being completely and utterly alone. The feeling of loneliness then brings on feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling unsafe, feeling out of control. What I would give to have a connection in these times.
Why is the depression so harsh one day more than the next, I'm not sure. It's as if since experiencing my depression, I had let something evil in. Since getting off of my medication I had not experienced any real depression until this past week. This week is proof that through times when my body is changing, I will still need to face this demon. I'm not sure what the future is going to bring for me, and quite honestly, I'm not in the mood to be overly positive about it.
I do wish I had someone near my life to share this with. Someone that I didn't have to waste my energy trying to explain this to. It's sad to have the people you love and share so much with, feel so foreign to you when it feels most urgent.
The idea of this picture is to show the good, if not to you ... than to me. I couldn't love these girls more if I tried. I fear one of them will have to face my demon some day. I hope that fear is enough to drive me to beat this, 100%, before it clings on to one of them.
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